"If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is" -Unknown

When I think about my struggles with control, I realize I live too much in the past, and directly apply that to the future. It's crazy how much I worry about history repeating itself - and forget to live in today. I battle with this monster of control and it causes me to miss opportunities due to a debilitating fear.

Sometimes terrible things happen, to everyone. Yet I will find myself looking back on events as if they were happening to me now. And sometimes those memories, especially the ones you want to forget, can be so vivid and real it looks as if it were yesterday. But by failing to fully let go of the past - I fail to move forward in the future. No wonder I've felt so stuck. Forgiveness is a choice, but once you do, you're free.

Control is an illusion, anyway. I can't control what happens - but I can control how it gets dealt with. I can run. I can write. I can be honest with how I feel. I can risk more. Oh and I can be organized - Holy cow does that do wonders for your mind. Physical clutter turns into mind clutter and removing everything but the essentials restores the tranquility to remind us what is important.

Insanity: Repeating the same action over and over again and expecting different results. If behaviors, thoughts, actions don't change, there is no growth. My new goal is to live in the present as much as possible. Something I found in Naples last time I was home stated this - which now is taped onto my mirror so I can see it every day.

1. Love is why we are here

2. The most important day is today

3. Sometimes a wrong turn can bring you to exactly the right place

4. Sometimes when you think the answer is "no" - it's "not yet"

5. For all your accomplishments, nothing will bring you more joy than the love you find