On my run this morning, all I could think about (besides the fact that it was painstakingly humid outside) were all of the lies we hear in our heads every day. And with these lies, how quickly do our minds automatically bolt into assuming there is truth in them.
In the span of one week, my best friend got a job in a state she just moved to, and I lost my job with a company I have been with for two years. And all I can hear since is what did she do right and what did I do wrong? The same goes with relationships - when I have been to more weddings then I can count, yet I struggle to even start a new relationship with someone, because that leads to vulnerability. So what am I doing wrong?
Am I really alone in this? In the American culture, we're taught if you work hard enough - you will make the grades, get the job, win the game. If you look pretty - people will like you. If people like you -they'll fall in love with you. And if none of this happens, then clearly we are not working hard enough, or we are doing something wrong.
Yet Jesus is constantly reminding us that our merit means absolutely nothing. But sometimes I wish that it did. How is it that when I sin, I feel horrible receiving his forgiveness and grace. I feel as if I'm too dirty for Him to wipe it all clean. Like I have to earn my worth again before I confess, come to Him, etc.
Yet I still want my obedience to mean something. It's especially hard when we are obedient to Him, prayerfully doing our best to follow Him, and a door still closes. We are left confused. God did I not listen properly? Am I still not "good enough" for you to continue blessing me?
But when I came home from my run this morning, I read a verse in Romans 3, stating "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good." But this is the good news - because my Lord Jesus justifies us freely! Our righteousness and goodness come through HIM. We can't do anything to earn this - or better yet, have it taken away.
So yes, deciding to stay in Orlando four months ago because of my best friend and my job turned out to look differently than I thought it would - since both are now gone. I cannot help but feel like a total failure. But I am still here. When every fiber of my being wants to flee, I am still here. So nothing went according to my plan. And with nothing left to cling to God, I am listening with outstretched arms, ready to finally listen to what You want.
My trust is in you Lord. I am truly learning that you love me at my worst and at my best. And that regardless of any situation, you will continue to walk through it with me. It's a love I struggle to comprehend, because it doesn't make sense. But above all, this is the greatest news in the world.
In the span of one week, my best friend got a job in a state she just moved to, and I lost my job with a company I have been with for two years. And all I can hear since is what did she do right and what did I do wrong? The same goes with relationships - when I have been to more weddings then I can count, yet I struggle to even start a new relationship with someone, because that leads to vulnerability. So what am I doing wrong?
Am I really alone in this? In the American culture, we're taught if you work hard enough - you will make the grades, get the job, win the game. If you look pretty - people will like you. If people like you -they'll fall in love with you. And if none of this happens, then clearly we are not working hard enough, or we are doing something wrong.
Yet Jesus is constantly reminding us that our merit means absolutely nothing. But sometimes I wish that it did. How is it that when I sin, I feel horrible receiving his forgiveness and grace. I feel as if I'm too dirty for Him to wipe it all clean. Like I have to earn my worth again before I confess, come to Him, etc.
Yet I still want my obedience to mean something. It's especially hard when we are obedient to Him, prayerfully doing our best to follow Him, and a door still closes. We are left confused. God did I not listen properly? Am I still not "good enough" for you to continue blessing me?
But when I came home from my run this morning, I read a verse in Romans 3, stating "There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good." But this is the good news - because my Lord Jesus justifies us freely! Our righteousness and goodness come through HIM. We can't do anything to earn this - or better yet, have it taken away.
So yes, deciding to stay in Orlando four months ago because of my best friend and my job turned out to look differently than I thought it would - since both are now gone. I cannot help but feel like a total failure. But I am still here. When every fiber of my being wants to flee, I am still here. So nothing went according to my plan. And with nothing left to cling to God, I am listening with outstretched arms, ready to finally listen to what You want.
My trust is in you Lord. I am truly learning that you love me at my worst and at my best. And that regardless of any situation, you will continue to walk through it with me. It's a love I struggle to comprehend, because it doesn't make sense. But above all, this is the greatest news in the world.
