Okay God, this is me waving my white flag. I surrender.
Being such a control freak has definitely gotten the best of me at times. And I guess when control is lost, you crave to find something else that will fill it - even if it is a toxic relationship you should have let go of. Crazy how situations start looking so familiar - old habits die hard? Crave crave crave. That's how I can sum up the last few months. Along with trying my best to find everything to try and satisfy that craving besides Jesus - all because of the overwhelming desire I have in the back of my head to try and do all of this on my own. One of those "if it's my problem, then I have to fix it" type of deals.
I know that growing up left me with a combination of restlessness and a deep craving for stability. It goes with the "something is better than nothing" attitude I have too often. But "something" still leaves you empty. "Something" has negatively affected every single solid relationship you've got - Chrissy wake up. This is the exact situation you put yourself in three years ago, five years ago...wake up.
How can we learn to stop being so stubborn. To start learning to take other people's advice - and that when we take a good look at our own hearts we realize they are too wrecked to try and mend on our own.
Jesus Jesus Jesus. Heal me. Heal all of this. You know I try and do this on my own - but I am done. Hear my prayer.
Being such a control freak has definitely gotten the best of me at times. And I guess when control is lost, you crave to find something else that will fill it - even if it is a toxic relationship you should have let go of. Crazy how situations start looking so familiar - old habits die hard? Crave crave crave. That's how I can sum up the last few months. Along with trying my best to find everything to try and satisfy that craving besides Jesus - all because of the overwhelming desire I have in the back of my head to try and do all of this on my own. One of those "if it's my problem, then I have to fix it" type of deals.
I know that growing up left me with a combination of restlessness and a deep craving for stability. It goes with the "something is better than nothing" attitude I have too often. But "something" still leaves you empty. "Something" has negatively affected every single solid relationship you've got - Chrissy wake up. This is the exact situation you put yourself in three years ago, five years ago...wake up.
How can we learn to stop being so stubborn. To start learning to take other people's advice - and that when we take a good look at our own hearts we realize they are too wrecked to try and mend on our own.
Jesus Jesus Jesus. Heal me. Heal all of this. You know I try and do this on my own - but I am done. Hear my prayer.
I guess I could say that life is weird sometimes. We can block out parts that we want to forget happened. And over the last year I have done a great job at that. Also heard this song for the first time yesterday - left me sobbing before it even ended. I guess you could say it was a good reminder of His grace - Jesus the healer and redeemer.
I have come too far. God's brought me through too much to give up now. I refuse to crawl back into old patterns. Jesus bring me out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Tu6NQ4L01w
