"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I think I am beginning to understand. Asking for the burden to leave is not the point. This whole year, begging and pleading, "Lord please take this away...I'm not strong enough...I can't do it...please take it from me...I want to choose you over this...I can't stop giving in" And the whole time He's been whispering ever so softly...Chrissy, I am made perfect in your weakness...I am preparing you. I won't take this away yet because you are growing...even through each time you keep screwing up...I am preparing you. My daughter, I know you desire me but stay clung to the world. One day soon you will throw it all aside and run to me. Love me. Remember me. The day is coming...but for right now, I am perfect in your weakness.

That day finally came. 

And it didn't come without sweat. It didn't come without tears. It didn't come without kicking and screaming through the last year. It didn't come without fully surrendering every desire and love of my heart in order to choose Him. Not based on circumstance. Not based on feeling. Not based on relationships. But because He is Lord. And that is enough.

I am overwhelmed with the unrelenting love of my Savior. 

Tonight. The temptation that entangles my soul came right back into range. Of course it did, the devil is sneaky that way. Just when the peace has started to settle in. Just when you feel the Holy Spirit literally dwelling in your soul...cue your weakness. But my Lord reigns over all. And He always wins. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Because the Holy Spirit now lives in me, it's not in my power anymore - and thank GOD for that. The devil says, take this...it's what you know. But God says let it go. My child...let it go before it takes everything away again.

Lord right now you call me here. And I now have the power in me to say no to selfish desires, and to run to you. This whole year was a preparation - for a call to stay. But also to be able to sit in tonight, strong in Christ, in His power. He is stronger than the worst temptations of my heart. And He overcame it in my soul. It's not about asking Him to take the burden away. It's about what He is doing through it. Why is the burden so light? 

Because Jesus finally set me FREE.