Lately

It's harder then I thought it was gonna be. I guess I can phrase it like that. Rachael says I'm depressed, and maybe I am. Some days are seriously perfectly fine, I go to school, go to work, just go through the motions and that's just how it is.

But somedays, like today, it's literally a struggle to even get out of my bed. I just don't want to do anything, because I don't care about anything anymore. I don't even know what I like to do anymore. I don't even know who I am.

All I know is that there is a 10lb weight inside of me weighing me down. At the end of the day that's the one thing I know will still be there. The heaviness. I can't take it anymore. I want to be free from this.

I'm sure this is a depressing post, not like I use this much. I actually think I'm just writing to myself. But this is my life as of right now. I'm in pain. I'm not okay.

I want to wake up one morning and feel like I used to. If the sun is shining and I live with my best friend I should be happy all the time. I want to be able to run again. I want to love my sorority again. I don't want to think of my life as something everyone would have been better off without. I want to be myself again. I want happiness.